This Visceral Vignette was Created on 9.28.22
Leading up to the first round of "Alchemized Embers"...the insights and information in this vignette are major reasons why I wanted to create and launch a course that spoke to these themes.
Something a lot of people don't know is that my sister was saving up to buy land in Portugal where she was living at the time of her suicide.
...
Her dream was to open a healing center specifically for women.
...
The last few years of her life she had been going through an intense spiritual awakening.
She had deeply tapped into her shamanic intuitive power.
She got her doula certification, became a reiki master and a massage therapist.
...
Then something interesting started to happen to her that many don’t realize is incredibly common when we deepen our connection to ourselves and begin the process of healing…
…because we start to realize just how much pain we have inflicted on ourselves. That we have actually taken on the role of all those who have hurt us…
…that we have actually broken our own hearts…
…and if we identify as a healer or helper, guide or facilitator and we have lapsed on our own care then our work can end up starting to feel inauthentic.
We can start to feel like a fraud. Our extension of grace has failed to reach us…
We start to question our identity.
Our sense of self.
Our impact.
We worry we’ll be found out.
That our “expertise” in our field, all the things we “know” don’t allow for our own humanity.
...
This is our ego.
This is our shame.
This is our trauma.
This is the lie our shadow tells us to try and keep us “safe”.
This is also the place our purpose lives.
The lie is that you have to hide.
This is the process of re-membering and coming back to yourself.
You’re allowed to be human too.
This is the song you hear in my video.
*I do not own the rights to this song.
Here are the lyrics:
Oh, when I was younger And my parents were out working Hear voices in the attic Faces in the TV static Tigers in the garden Ghosts under the stairs and Under my bed Behind the curtain Always feel a presence lurking
Now that I am older The only thing I fear is myself Yeah, the voices in the attic were mine
Well, I don't know what I did last night I don't know what I said To make you run a mile from me There's thunder in my head Oh, when the day is dying I take my potion And float above that endless ocean But careful friend, this useful tonic Will boil the blood inside your stomach
And the only thing I fear is myself Yeah, the voices in the attic were mine Yeah, the only thing I fear is myself
Well, I just can't find Peace in my soul No, I just can't find it
Well, this persistent illusion That everything is moving Forward as the weather vane It spins, spins, spins
And the only thing I fear is myself Yeah, the voices in the attic were mine Yeah, the only thing I fear is myself