TW: Mentions of suicide. Emotional images.

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In November of 2019, when I was able to start gently moving again 4 months after my sister’s suicide, I would book a weekly 2 hour rehearsal at Gibney Dance. I would turn on music, lie on the floor & sob. Then I’d write sister a letter, scream at her in my head & then allow myself to move for the last 30 minutes or so & film whatever came out.

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I used the movement patterns that my body repeated over & over in those processing rehearsals to create phrases that I then created this piece with. Rocking, spinning, screaming, floating & running.

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During this 2021, after countless meditations & Breathwork sessions with Jessica Garet of AiRE Healing, I realized that I needed to take this project a step further & bring my mom on as well. We filmed this up in Maine the week I was up to celebrate what would have been my sister’s 40th birthday earth side on 8.1.21 - the day we also scattered some of her ashes into the water, the water she loved to float in.

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You will hear my sister’s voice in the beginning reading a poem she wrote for me during her Maid of Honor speech from mine & my partner's wedding 5.28.10. Later, you will hear my voice reading another one of her poems she wrote for me. She didn’t share her writings with many people because she didn’t want to be criticized or judged & would second guess their power & strength.

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Every time I’ve gotten nervous to share this film, I go back to the countless conversations I would have with her about how important it was for her to share her creations, how amazing she was, how insightful & beautiful…so through releasing this film, I am being brave. For her, for me, for us.

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Opening / Closing Music: Brenda Hung Music:

“The Unspoken” by Jef Martens

*I do not own the rights to this music.